How could you ever be interested in someone who is not equally interested in you? Why would you be worried about someone who is not worried about you? Where is your self-love? Do you have any self-respect? As women, we are wired to nurture everyone and think of everyone and take care of everyone. And guess who we forget about? Ding, ding, ding – You guessed it. OURSELVES! We are programmed to put everyone else before ourselves which subconsciously has taught us to put ourselves last. And that may show up in our lives as us taking less salaries without even negotiating, us settling in relationships, us putting our dreams on hold, being afraid to tell people No, etc. Our lives have been playing out according to what we believe we’re supposed to do, how we’re supposed to act as ‘good’ people, as ‘good’ women. But how is that honestly working out for you? Are you happy? Do you feel like you are always being taken advantage of? When is the last time you did something for yourself? There’s a saying or a quote that says ‘Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History’. I actually bought the refrigerator magnet for it. As I did an internal check-in with myself, I looked at my life and relationships and started to question some of my own actions. When we think of settling, our minds may automatically go to relationships. But relationships are not the only area in our lives where we settle. It’s a huge one but not the only one. Let me give you an example. Something I noticed that I did was say I’m sorry a lot even to myself. I would say I’m sorry for things I shouldn’t have even been sorry for. I was just accustomed somehow to saying Sorry automatically. Think about it – if I was always sorry for whatever, that could cause me to have low self-esteem because subconsciously I may think that I’m not good enough since I constantly have to apologize. My thoughts might be that clearly I can’t do anything right otherwise I wouldn’t have to apologize. Do you see how that could lead to a low self-image? I wish I could tell you the exact ah-ha moment that I recognized that but I can’t. I just know it hit me one day and I was like….why am I apologizing? There’s nothing to apologize for. And I began to wonder how this manifested in other areas of my life. What that leads to is feeling guilty for things or feeling ashamed for things that I really have nothing to do with which of course can manifest into settling in some way. And so I thought of you ladies, my queens. And I wondered…where are you taking on the burden for things that aren’t yours to take on? Or where are you putting in extra effort for someone who is not reciprocating? His/her actions even in friendship aren’t mirroring yours. Why are you wasting your energy? You deserve better! And I know that deep down inside of you somewhere you know that. Again, I ask you – Where is your self-love and self-respect? I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to start putting yourself FIRST. It’s okay to cut people off that are only sucking your energy dry and not giving the same in return. It’s okay to stand up for yourself. It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to take a chance on yourself. It’s okay to go against the status quo. It’s okay to dream big or dream bigger. It’s okay to say NO if you really don’t want to say Yes. I don’t care how small it may be. If you don’t want to babysit, say No. If you don’t want to give them a ride, say No. When you say Yes when you really want to say No, you can become resentful. And no one wants to develop bitterness and resentment. I’m an advocate for helping but not to where people are taken advantage of or you become a person’s crutch. Once you start to put yourself first, give more to yourself and start treating yourself like the royalty you are, you automatically shift things. Things will change. They have to. You start to perceive yourself differently. In other words, you’ll have a high perception of yourself. When you start to honor yourself and you value yourself, there are certain things that you will no longer tolerate. You just won’t settle for certain things anymore because you know your worth. You know you deserve better, therefore you begin to ACT like it. Therefore, the universe (God or your higher power) must and will meet you where you are in this new high level. So you’ll attract better.
So queens, if a man’s words and actions do not match and they are not consistent, stop lying to yourself and stop making excuses for him. He’s just not that interested. The feeling is not mutual. You don’t have to prove yourself to him. Stop waiting around wasting time. It’s kind of like the saying to go where you’re celebrated and not tolerated. You deserve better. There is someone who will gladly give you his time and attention and make you a priority without question. You don’t have to chase or beg a man that really wants you. I’ve read relationship books, listened to audios, watched YouTube videos and articles written by men that say the same thing. Men know pretty quickly if they want to put in any effort for a woman. You should invest in him only if he invests in you. The bible uses ‘Help Meet and Helper’; it does not say slave or caterer to a man. So I ask you again – Why would you ever be enthusiastic about someone who is not equally enthusiastic about you? What are you tolerating? Check yourself. You deserve better!